A few people give parties, most are goers. Some goers are wall flowers, never drawing attention to themselves.
Most men that are interested in spanking, have never spanked. It reminds me of the lyrics Robert Hunter wrote 55 years ago.
Most of the cats that you meet on the streets speak of true love,
Most of the time they’re sittin’ and cryin’ at home.
One of these days they know they better get goin’
Out of the door and down on the streets all alone.
Truckin’, like the do-dah man.
Once told me “You’ve got to play your hand”
Sometimes your cards ain’t worth a dime if you don’t lay’em down.
Many come to OBB as ghosts. Too timid to engage. I would like to encourage them to step out of their shell. To not fear being outed. I don’t know of a single word I could say to put them on the path to freedom.
I have seen them at commercial parties lurking in the shadows.
It was easy for me to be out. My impulse driven personality allowed me to drive through walls on a whim. It was easy for me to say to a woman “You look like you need a good spanking”. Her reaction was never negative. Not one time. I might not spank her, but she would agree she did need to be spanked and laugh. It might not be me that would spank her. Or maybe it just was not going to happen right then.
You have to start somewhere. Asking a girl to dance when I was 16 was terrifying. Asking a girl if she wanted a spanking at 22 was natural.
Being Outed
Most spanko’s are terrified of being outed. Have you ever been outed? Do you know anyone who was outed? Not rumors, someone you know. I’ll bet you have not known anyone who was outed.
We know of one instance. Us.
Tom was an original member of our spanking group. He lived in our city. He was a deputy sheriff and an all-around good guy.
A year goes by and a gal from Nashville, Kathy, joins our group. She was about 35 and a switch. We invited her to our home for a spanking weekend. It went OK, but I judged her to be a spanking newbie.
Kathy bent over my desk
She told us that she had been married twice (or was it three times) and they all died. They were all civil service, so there was a life insurance pay out and a survivor’s pension. What do you think the odds of losing 2 or 3 husbands in a decade would be?
Tom was also a switch, so he was all over her. That was the last we saw of Kathy. She got a man, got married, and was done with the group. So Tom was another civil service employee she had married. We figured Tom was a goner.
Maybe since she had told us about her prior marriages, she did not kill him, but instead filed for divorce within a year. She told Tom’s daughter all about the spanking going ons.
Here’s where we come in. Tom got the most vicious divorce attorney in the city, Wendy, who was married to Bacall’s business partner. We were at some soirée and Wendy corralled us into a conversation. That was unusual as Wendy was a Brahmin and we were below her social standing. She went on and on about this divorce she was handling. Details that should never have been revealed. Suddenly she started in about Tom knowing D and D. [I am using our initials] It was D and D this and D and D that. Never letting on that she knew it was us. I am sure she told that story a few times with a smug expression.
What happened? Not a damn thing, except Kathy did not get a nickel.
That’s the only outing I know of.
I have occasionally wondered, as I perused the ads online, whether someone I knew was on the other end, but nothing has materialized.
as for laundry rooms, unfortunately, ours does not have a door.
It would be a plus for me if I knew her. Careful, I hear there are crazies out there. I am a fan of face-to-face asking.
As you suggest, I’ve never known anyone directly who was outed, but my circle of spanko friends is considerably smaller than yours. Most I’ve heard about were from failed relationships, or the deliberate act of a really crappy person.
Socially, we live in a world of double-standards. It’s not rational, but it is what it is.
Kathy’s actions were deliberate. Telling his daughter. He was outed along with us, but no damage to our reputations.
Over the 20+ years I played privately was very lucky to meet so many wonderful women play partners and I was never outed. That said, I always played with women who lived at least 100 miles from me, and was very careful not to reveal any personal information until I was sure. With the large commercial parties I was always concerned about meeting someone I knew but that never happened either.
I did know of one person who was outed, and decided to retire rather than deal with the possible blowback, but it was an unusual situation. He is doing much better in his new life than he was in the past, so it all worked out.
The situation you describe is so unsettling. It’s a very private thing and
should never be revealed without agreement. That entire situation says volumes about the Attorney. There are people who find ways to make themselves “interesting” with no regard to the consequences. Sounds like she had no moral/professional compass.
Really a great topic.
Pleased you found it of interest. We never did commercial parties. When you joined our group we already knew something about you and you got to know everyone else through group chats.
Although I attended the larger commercial parties, I also attended a much smaller local party held in a local hotel on a regular basis. These were a lot of fun due to their size, and I connected with several local play partners through this party.
Each person that wanted to come had to attend a munch where the party host could get to know them personally prior to accepting their reservation fee. She was very picky about who could attend and several were banned for not following rules.
But, as things go, this party disappeared after 7 or 8 years. Side note: at least 3 couples married after meeting at this party.
Our first parties were held at motels all over the central southern states. Then we got smarter and rented lake and mountain homes. Usually 3 or 4. Complete privacy. We either had meals catered or cooked for ourselves.
Sounds like the Chicago group
hi Bogey,
I really appreciate your sharing this. You’re saying things that I wanted to say but you’re a little kinder about it than I might’ve been. Most special interest groups are full of “experts” that don’t actually have any experience. I won’t list them, but there are lots of them
When I have drilled down and actually paid attention to what some guys are saying on this subject. it becomes obvious. And you know what? It’s obvious to the women also! They spot that faster than I do. Women have been lied to by guys trying to get them in the bed for eons. You don’t think they catch these guys? In. the old Shadow Lane, Spanking, Needs, and others, it becomes apparent to me that most guys have never really done it, Some of them are very happy to give advice, and by listening to the advice you can tell they haven’t done it.
I have been meaning to write you about my observation that spanking requires dealing with a real woman, not some porn actress. That means for me, at least, some sort of relationship. I never spanked a woman that I didn’t get to know well enough to get a very good understanding of who they were. I always took them to lunch and had a cover story ready as to why I was meeting them. I have a real good BS detector (part of my business) and I was able to very quickly determine if somebody could be trouble. And there are lots of them out there, believe me. However, the ones that I wound up meeting were wonderful and we had several delightful sessions.
I wanted to make sure that they were happy and if I take care of that, the rest of it takes care of itself. Finally, I was able to arrange things to where they were pursuing me instead of me pursuing them because I got to know them so well and what they wanted. Then I backed off a little.
I know that’s a lot, but I had quite a lot to lose if the wrong person started, talking about me because of my business, That’s all I’ll say, but it never went bad.
I think a lot of things in life, including spanking, require somebody to take a deep breath and take a risk. All of life is like that.
thanks again for putting this out there!
The women I spanked, I knew quite well as we exchanged notes and calls weeks, even months before we met. We started from the common ground that I wanted to spank and they wanted to be spanked. Then it was a matter of if I could spank them like they wanted to be spanked.