I recently learned that a woman we had not seen in several years had died. In mid-life, she had decided the most important thing to her was to be submissive to a man and be paddled for breaking rules she thought were important.
She divorced her husband. Her two late teen boys moved in with their Dad. All she wanted was her freedom and a small house. Freedom. Free to live as another man required her.
She was a delightful person. We did not have a spanking relationship. Nor would I have wanted one. We spent some weekends parkng our RV at her home on the Gulf Coast nd eating seafood and yakking.
When we first knew her, her Dom was long distance. If she broke a rule, he had a local man paddle her. Later her Dom was a like a traveling minister. He would travel between all his submissives, staying a week or so with each and give them sore bottoms. No sex.
We have known several other women who have done the same thing.
I think a irrational need to be submissive is a form of mental illness. Men or Women.
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I find it equally odd that men will seek to Dom women from a distance. Sometimes never meeting face-to-face. Men with families that take considerable time to talk with their sub daily.
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Regular readers know we are both alpha types. Sometimes, Bacall will want to be submissive. She tells me the day before exactly what she wants and works her mind into becoming that submissive. I call it being bedroom submissive. Bondage helps get her “her mind right”. I have became experienced in trigger words and sentences that help her settle in. When released she always does a particular sex act. One that means submission to her. She never does it any other time. She would if I asked, but I reserve it for her special use.
As soon as our play session is over she is back to doing what she wants, how she wants, when she wants.
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Be the first on your block.
I hesitate to see it as a mental Illness. Just as there are many “vanilla” people who view anyone who participates in in any form BDSM activities as degenerate rather than just a community of folks who enjoy life differently. I see it as a spectrum moving from Dominant to submissive. Get off the train wherever you are comfortable in your skin.
I had the opportunity to visit a couple of dungeon spaces and talk with those who are heavily involved. There are many who are just not interested in sex in the traditional way. They get all they need through Domination/submission. To each, his own. 🙂
Think on this Jack. We have known two women who left their husbands and kids to be submissives. I consider that way beyond normal.Everyone of the subs we was acquainted with turned out to be have turbulent lives and caused chaos on other lives.
I have thought about this a lot. You and Bacall were very lucky. You both knew how important this is in your life and found one another early in life. Many of us didn’t really understand how hard wired we were until mid life. For me it was in my early 40’s. By then, what was a small itch became a centerpiece.
If you are lucky, you have a partner who recognizes and facilitates your needs. Unfortunately, many times it is met with apathy or scorn. Then there are a decisions to make. First get counseling and if that doesn’t work, get out, or stay in a relationship that is not working. These are VERY difficult decisions.
There are of course Doms, and subs who have had turbulent lives and cause chaos. But there are also “vanilla” folks who exhibit the same traits. These people many times exhibit personality disorders and can become toxic.
Yes, we were lucky. I was not going to marry a gal who was not into spanking. We have all seen both men and women trying to cajole the other into spanking them. In a few cases it works. There are so many women who want to be spanked. And they are willing spank if they can get spanked. Most will NOT be a dom to a male sub, but they have no problem toasting his bottom.
You are so right all sorts of people make creating drama their mission in life. I avoid them. I do condemn a woman who leaves her children to become a sub. That’s an issue that I have never seen discussed,
I have been reading posts like this for further back than I care to remember. I know from reading and from personal experience that there are many women who want someone to spank them and dominate them. My experience has been that they do that after their husband, has failed to participate.
I think it’s safe to say that their marriage was bad and would have been bad whether or not spanking and dominance and submission was involved.
When we discussed things like this, it seems really important to me to separate the spanking component from the problem in the marriage. I certainly agree that leaving children in order to participate in a spanking or any other kind of relationship is deplorable. but this is not about spanking. It’s about failing to fulfill your role and responsibility and caring for the children that you’ve been given. I very seldom would use a condemnation nation like deplorable, but I don’t regret it here. However, we don’t know the whole story. One of my favorite chapters in the Bible is where Jesus says “let you be without sin cast the first stone.”
Yes, certainly odd for me to be quoting the Bible in a spanking post but I don’t see a problem with it. I’m sure many would!
Thanks for ringing in John. In one case, I met the husband. He seemed like the salt of the earth to me. He brought her to the first spanking party our group held. She left him and their two young kids to raise a few months later. After whoring around for a few years, she wound up living with a female dom.
I have occasionally played at being submissive, but outside of some mild bondage and corporal punishment (beyond just spanking), it doesn’t come naturally to me…and would certainly never work in a lifestyle fashion.
I used to think my wife was submissive, but I think she’s really just vanilla, and passively resists any efforts to expand her horizons.
I think I explained our degree of submission. None in my case, and faux when she wants it in her case.
Perhaps the kind of horizons your wife wants to expand would be those like Genghis Khan?
I don’t consider submissness necessary for spanking play. Not at all.
I never consider myself as submissive because I find getting spanked to be exciting and nobody, including my wife can demand that I get a spanking for some reason. We don’t do things that way and never have. There is just something about the procedure from knowing that I’m getting one, to getting ready, to not knowing how long it will last and then that warm after spanking feeling. Since I don’t like to just ask for a spanking, we have a couple of things I do that tells her I am ready when she is, so there is a little surprise. For example, leaving the toilet seat up on purpose is one signal. I will walk into the bedroom an discover the pillows are arranged for me and a belt in plain sight followed by some horizontal dancing as I can never hold still. Of course it is followed by some special time.
This post had gone in several directions. GOOD!
We went through the dilemma of how to get spanked without asking for it in early marriage. My memory is that one day Bacall said something like I need a spanking and I am going to spank you too. She came to call these joint action sessions. Which sounds like a military term to me. Sometimes she wanted it all about her.
Sometimes she would show me she was wearing spanking panties. Other times, she would put spanking panties and paddle on the bed for me.
Point being, life is short, “asking for a spanking” will get easier the more you do it.
Well said Bogey! Life really is short!
We went through decades of using various paddles and brushes (I had this idea that a perfect spanking was OTK with a hairbrush) but we still used other things and other positions, paddle ball paddles worked well, but my wife kept breaking brushes. I avoided using a belt for a long time because as it kid, it was what my mother used, cut to about a two foot length and neither my brother or I looked forward to hearing her say “wait till I get you home”. She never spanked us bare bottom, I had to wait till I was an adult to experience that. Anyway, I did not want my wife to believe she was somehow my mother. What I get from my wife is nothing like what I got as a kid. We use a regular belt mostly, though my wife will add in a few whacks from a paddle for variety.
We had dozens of toys, leather and wood. Bacall bought a hairbrush once. I used it on her for a about 10 seconds and then she was in the next county. Neither of us were spanked with a brush as a kid. Her Mom used a switch on the back of her legs. I got a belt about twice in my life.
She was fond of leather and then one day, she changed to wood. But always purrs when I use a soft leather paddle on her.
I have always been a fan of a wood paddle.
I’m in the ‘all things in moderation’ camp. Whether one’s lifestyle, a desire, pursuit of one’s fantasies, emotions… most anything taken to extreme usually becomes harmful, emotionally or otherwise. Losing perspective and balance in life doesn’t often lead to happy endings.
2nd attempt to put a thought to this one Dom / sub relationship is about someone having control or
myself chastity for 10 years now had a Dom keyhold and now Mrs427 , sometimes we seek things in our early years we support family structures then one day a trigger in life will stir the subconscious what miss in our early days which can change a lot of things in life.
IT was hard to discuss with Mrs427 about chastity and now spanking play and yes enjoy when cuffs and strap and hood are on.🇦🇺🐓🔒
I would not have guessed this post on submission would branch into some many directions. Tho I did did mention in passing that it could affect both men and women. Maybe just me, but seems more extreme in women. I admit that I have almost zero experience with male subs.
I imagine it was difficult to discuss your desire for chastity with your wife, Mrs427. I am guessing you did not broach the subject until after marriage. [Most men will not tell their prospective bride that want to be spanked until after the vows are taken]
I can not wrap my head around chastity. I am on the more sex the better end of the spectrum. I was not given any brain cells to understand less sex.
Thanks for being open.
PS PLEASE decode 427.